The hidden rules of Kansas City

I've had a few offers of sponsorship, but I determined that they wouldn't quite cover my costs, so I'm holding out for something larger. $200,000 should do it.

In the mean time, here are a few hidden rules of Kansas City, as I see it:

1. Early to bed, early to rise. This rule doesn't take too long to learn, not when our most famous shopping district closes at 7 p.m. Seriously, what's up with that? Visitors to our city, especially those from other countries, need to be aware that staying up late is just not the norm here. Americans in general go to bed earlier, but midwesterners especially don't last long after the sunset. So, don't schedule late night business dinners or entertainment, and hit the sack early enough to make that sunrise tee time.

2. Kansas City is almost smack dab in the middle of the country, and so is our style of dress. The styles here tend toward the conservative, though not as stuffy or preppy as the east coast. And though some pretend to be trendy, the truth is that it takes a good while for new fashions to reach us, and by the time they do, they're somewhat watered down.

3. Drive friendly. Sure, we have our share of road rage, but more often than not Kansas City dwellers temper this rage, perhaps with the hopes that politeness on the road will cover a multitude of other sins. And we are definitely big believers in sin here.

4. It's ok to be vegetarian here. You'll be tolerated. Just don't flaunt it. The cuisine for which Kansas City is best known is its bar-b-que, so many natives take it as a personal affront when someone refuses to eat meant. They're just usually too polite to say so. If you find yourself at a meeting or event where there are no vegetarian options (and that is true for many restaurants here), you'll need a creative backup plan. Maybe order a side salad and during dinner steal away to the restroom to inhale a protein bar.

5. Don't get involved in the border war. You see, there's this thick red line that runs through the heart of Kansas City called State Line. Visitors don't even see it, but it's glaringly obvious to anyone who's lived here more than a month. There's a lot of good natured bantering between friends, family, and colleagues who live on opposing sides of The Line, but there are also some deeply held hostilities. The danger for you, visitor, is that it's not always clear which is surfacing in a given conversation, and even if you're sure it's more bantering than hostility, it can flip at the blink of an eye. So your safest bet is to just side step it. Don't join in, don't get between them, don't try to change the topic. In fact, now would be a good time to sneak away for that protein bar.

If anyone can think of others to share, we'd love to hear them.

If someone sponsored me for a year...

Today, I was talking with a friend about a book I'm reading, "Eat, Pray, Love," by Elizabeth Gilbert. It's the memoirs of the author's outer and inner journeys for a year as she spends 4 months in Italy eating, 4 months in India praying, and 4 months in Indonesia learning to love. This amazing venture was made possible by her publisher, who advanced her the money based on the book she would write about the experience (which is now a best seller, so everyone's a winner).

So my friend asked me, "what would you do, what would you write about, if someone offered to sponsor you for a year?" Wow! I didn't have an immediate answer, but couldn't stop thinking about the question. Here's what I've come up with...

A couple of months ago I wrote about Dr. Bethany Tucker's insights about the hidden rules that govern our lives. She was talking about differing rules between economic classes, but I was pondering the hidden rules between countries, specifically major cities in different countries. I once read a pamphlet written by the United States tourism board (or some such body) for our international guests, and one of the biggest sections explained Americans' obsession with and treatment of time. They warned that it was unacceptable in American culture to be more than 10 minutes late for a meeting or engagement without calling ahead. We are ruled be the clock and our calendars. The pamphlet continued with more details about this rule that I had never before considered, since it seemed perfectly natural to me.

So, I'd like to spend a month each in 12 major cities, immersing myself as much as possible into the life of each city, and try to unearth some of their hidden rules. It would be like a very challenging scavenger hunt. I'm thinking New York, Mexico City, London, Paris, Moscow, Hong Kong, Rio de Janeiro, Tokyo, Cape Town, Sydney, Nuuk, and Bombay. Maybe, if my insights were keen enough, the cities could use my research for their own tourism pamphlets.

Guess I'd better begin with Kansas City, though as a resident of this fair town, it may prove the most challenging. Any ideas about KC's hidden rules, or the hidden rules of your town? In my next post, I'll suggest a few that I see.

Keep going! You're wearing him down!

A student of mine saw this photo yesterday and said, "That's how I feel right now, struggling against all my problems." What a vivid image!

How many of us don't feel like this sometimes? Straining with all of our might, head down, muscles straining, while in the back (or front) of our minds is the realization, "there is absolutely no way in god's green earth I will ever budge any of this massive weight, and it's going to crush me."

Now, I thought about blogging about the smart and effective things to do when you find yourself in a situation like this. Walk away if at all possible, call on your friends, gather a support network, remember that if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger, blah, blah, blah. We all know all that, and to a certain extent, there's truth in each of those cliches.

But sometimes, darn it, the big fat guy is going to crush you, and you won't feel at all stronger afterwards. What do you do then?

Well, the only thing you can do then is to drag yourself out of the ring and go have some drinks with some others who have also felt the breath-snatching crush. I'm not talking about drowning your sorrows in booze. I'm talking about recognizing the damage in yourself and others. You may not feel stronger, but it can give you clearer vision to see those around you in a different, more humane light.

And after you've shared a couple of beers, a few tears, and a whole lot of laughter, get back out there and take on the big guy again. After all, he's slow and out of shape. You can take him!

Nowhere to hide

"Mommy, if a stranger comes into our school, I'm supposed to hide over where we hang up our jackets."

I almost coughed out my oatmeal when my daughter, out of nowhere, announced this. What did she mean?

"We practice it at school. We practice what we're supposed to do if a stranger comes in. Is a stranger going to come to my school, mommy?"

Then I remembered something new when I substituted at the high school last week. Along with the standard welcome note and granola bar, the receptionist handed me a little booklet detailing what we were supposed to do in the event that an armed person entered the school building.

I remember drills in school. We had tornado drills where we lined up against the basement walls, fire drills where we filed outside the building and across the street. I also remember a few times in middle school when someone called in a bomb threat and we had to go stand in the athletic field while they searched the building. But we never had stranger drills.

It makes sense for schools to prepare for an event that has devastated other schools in our country. It was also difficult, though, to explain to my 6-year old why it was so important that she know how to hide from a stranger. We had just spent a lovely spring break week frolicking around town, visiting museums, touring a dairy farm, staying up late watching movies. I didn't want to talk about potential violence that could touch her life. I didn't want to even think about violence touching my little girl.

I commend the schools for their preparedness. My heart aches for the teachers who have to execute these drills with the children. The truth is, just by its threat, violence has already touched my little girl's life.

How do you prepare children for potential violence without increasing their anxiety or damaging their tender hearts?

What's up with Texas?

As an educator, I just couldn't let this one pass by. The Texas Board of Education is attempting to send its schools back into the Dark Ages, or at least the 1950s, with its recent vote on a drastically overhauled social studies curriculum. One enlightened change? Removing Thomas Jefferson from the list of figures who influenced revolution. Ummm....ok. Guess he had nothing to do with that whole American Revolution thing. Conservatives on the board said they don't like his whole "separation of church and state" philosophy, so decided to just get rid of the man.

Just how messed up is this, and what impact does this have on the rest of the country? Glad you asked. Read here.

Can I eat humanely for $50/week?

In his book, The Omnivore's Dilemma, Michael Pollan challenges the reader to eat thoughtfully. The implications are deep and complex, and I was compelled. The problem is I, like millions of other Americans, am on a very limited income and have come to rely on cheap food. So the question is, is it possible for the average American to eat more thoughtfully without going bankrupt. I've decided to give it a go. Here's my plan:

Grocery list:

• Small roast, Pisciotta Farms: $9
• One dozen eggs, Pisciotta Farms: $3
• Blackberry Jalapeno Jam, San-Man Gardens: $5
• Spinach, locally grown: $4
• Quinoa, organic: $1
• Freshly ground peanut butter: $2.50
• Whole wheat bakery bread: $3.50
• Garlic, organic: $0.50
• Onion, organic: $1
• Half-gallon Shatto milk: $2.50
• ¼ lb free trade coffee beans: $2
• dried blueberries, organic: $2
• oatmeal, organic: $1
• dark chocolate bar, fair-trade: $2.50

That leaves me about $10 for the rest of the week in case I need something else.

Meal Plans

• Breakfast: oatmeal with splash of milk, dried blueberries, cinnamon and sugar
• Lunch: peanut butter & jam sandwich
• Dinner: scrambled eggs or slow-cooked roast, spinach salad, quinoa
• chocolate, coffee, and milk to my heart's delight

Rules:

1. Only eat from my grocery list. I am allowing myself to cheat the tiniest bit on this one when I go out with friends for coffee or beer, but I am not going to eat any food out.
2. Fresh produce must be locally grown, and no frozen produce. If I could have found local, frozen produce, I may have allowed that, but the energy cost of shipping frozen or fresh produce discouraged me from it. I did allow myself the luxury of dried berries since, because of their reduced weight and no need for refrigeration, the energy cost of transportation is significantly lower.
3. No sodas. Between the high fructose corn syrup of regular and the artificial sweeteners of diet, there’s really nothing good about them. Besides, with only $50 to spend, I couldn’t afford to waste any of it.
4. I did allow myself to utilize my stock of herbs and spices.
5. Because I cannot survive without chocolate, I allowed myself to buy one bar of fair-trade dark chocolate. There’s nothing local about chocolate, but it has become a staple for me.

For those who don't know me well, I'm not a small woman. I'm 5'10" and weigh 150 lbs, so if this works for me, it should work for the average American. We'll see.

I-70 closed in Colorado? Is there any other interstate in CO?

Yeah, I think there's one that runs north/south, isn't there? Anyway, a tremendous rock slide outside of Glenwood Springs closed down the interstate for a long, long time, and will cost much, much money to repair.

What does this mean for our spiritual lives?

Don't elect to have your miscarriage in Utah

In Utah, a 17-year-old girl, desperate to end her pregnancy, paid a man $150 to beat the crap out of her in hopes that it would end in miscarriage. The man obliged. He ended up in jail, but no charges were filed against the girl.

This seriously upset Utah legislators. A 17-year-old girl in that much distress and obvious emotional trauma and they can’t send her to prison? That must be remedied.

Thus, the creation and passing of HB 12, which states that, “a person commits criminal homicide if the person intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly causes the death of another human being, including an unborn child at any stage of its development.”

What does this mean? According to the New York Times, what concerns civil rights activists, women’s rights activists, and many Utah residents, is what could be defined as “reckless.” The way the law is worded, a woman who knows she is pregnant and engages in risky activity such as skiing, drinking alcohol, continuing to live with an abusive mate, driving without a seatbelt, drinking too much caffeine, or running down the stairs, could be tossed into prison for life.

The bill's authors say no, no, surely it wouldn’t be used in cases like those. No, they only mean to persecute girls who were so desperate, so hopeless, that they would actually pay someone to beat them. That’s who they’re really after, they claim.

So, at best, we increase the number of criminals in our society. We add to the guilt and shame of desperate women. And for women who suffer natural miscarriages but wonder, in the middle of dark, cold, lonely nights what they did wrong, we reinforce their tendency to blame themselves.

Maybe, instead of asking themselves, “how can we imprison more people,” the Utah legislature could ask themselves, “how can we help more people?” Here are a few ideas:

1. Offer free and confidential counseling to any woman suffering a miscarriage.
2. Offer free and confidential drug counseling and immunity from criminal charges to any pregnant woman struggling with an addiction.
3. Initiate a program to educate the public about the causes, and mysteries, of miscarriages. Doctors do not know the root cause of most miscarriages, and many women don’t know that a high a percentage of pregnancies end in miscarriage.

Do you need more ideas, Utah?

Why is a RAVEN like a WRITING DESK?

Why is a RAVEN like a WRITING DESK?
Originally uploaded by giraffe_756

Yes, he truly is mad. With great faith in the MPAA rating system that tagged the film as PG, Aliyah and I met up with friends Friday for opening night of Alice in Wonderland. The fact that Aliyah didn't move a muscle during the entire movie speaks to her thorough enjoyment. I, too, was entranced.

Read my full review here.

2pac and the bard

Today, by popular demand, my first class studied Hamlet's soliloquy. They had all heard the first line, "to be or not to be," of course, but didn't know what came after, so we had fun reading it together and deciphering its meaning.

As we were mulling Hamlet's wavering between existence or non-existence, one of my students said,

"It's like that 2pac song."

"Um, ok," I stammered. If nothing else, my students learn anew everyday just how clueless I am.

"You know the one, 'I see no changes wake up in the morning and I ask myself, is life worth living should I blast myself? I'm tired of bein' poor and even worse I'm black."

The lyrics are from his song "Changes." Take a listen:

This intrigued me. Was 2pac Shakur inspired by Shakespeare? He was definitely inspired by Bruce Hornsby, from whose song "The Way It Is" he borrowed the chorus.

But maybe the bard inspired him, too. His song carries some of the same theme's as Hamlet's rant. Both give voice to a sense of utter frustration and hopelessness with the way the world is, offering an end to life as the only alternative to escape it. Both struggle between a deep seeded desire for a better life and a realistic pessimism that nothing will improve. Unlike Hamlet, though, who finally chooses life simply out of a fear that death may be even worse, 2pac, in his bridge, offers us an alternative to a miserable life or a violent death:

"We gotta make a change...

It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.

Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live

and let's change the way we treat each other.

You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do

what we gotta do to survive."

A living paradox, 2pac boasted a history full of violence and run-ins with the law, but maintained a philosophic idealism for his race and for our world. At age 25, he was killed in a drive-by shooting. The killers were never caught.

In thy prayers be all my sins remembered.

Locally brewed beer, Olympic hockey, and insights into life

Because just about any experience or event can offer a life lesson, today's deep, meaningful, pithy, amazing insight launches from yesterday's USA/Canada hockey game.

The beer? Ah, well, locally brewed at Westport's McCoy's Public house. My brother, sister-in-law and I split a pitcher of Hog Pound Brown Ale and another of Raspberry Wheat. Ok, it was mainly Clint and me since Melissa only had half a glass, but it was a long game!

Read my insightful article here.